Silent Tears of The Emperor
by Chizu-i
Summary: Growing up with the Emperor, Seijuurou was never an easy task. But when you are exposed to the tragedies that befall him, will you ever see him the same way again? Spoiler alert! "Contains spoilers of manga's final chapters"


**A/N:** I wrote this out of boredom and I still find this fanfic has some missing pieces for me to fill. Enjoy and review!

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><p>"Mother, mother! Look at what I drew in art class today!"<p>

To many people, Akashi Seijuurou was the human version of God. He excelled not only in academics, but also in music, arts and sports. He was _the _Leonardo da Vinci amongst high-school students. Even so, there was more to Akashi than one could ever witness. To have that privilege, was to be a part of the Akashi family itself.

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><p>When I was a young child of the age of 6, I met Seijuurou (or informally, Sei) and his parents during my first visit to their mansion. He wasn't that 'mightier-than-thou' child who was spoilt. Instead, he was a shy and timid boy who would hide behind his mother when he was introduced to strangers. Sei wouldn't even smile unless his mother forced him to. If I recalled correctly, he even glared at me when I met him face to face. It was that kind of stare a child would give when their belongings had to be forcefully shared. Sei understood the reason why I was there. And he felt threatened.<p>

Sei told me that he didn't like me on the first day we met. That was quite acceptable. I wasn't really used to all these 'I like you' or family love that was often shown in the television (hey, orphanages have televisions too). In the first place, I wasn't really sure _why _they adopted me. Most Japanese families, especially those who own large enterprises, would be happy enough with a son. Or two sons. But a girl? That would probably be the sickly wife who wasn't strong enough to get pregnant again.

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><p>Would you believe me if I told you that Seijuurou cried when he was 6 years old? Yes, it would be quite unbelievable to me as well. It happened on the second day of my arrival. We were strolling in the park and Seijuurou fell down because he tripped on a large piece of stone. At that time, he was holding a cone of chocolate ice-cream. So if he falls down, you pretty much know what happened to the ice-cream. Yes, it spilled on the ground. Splattered could be a better word. And kids, when they lose something they like, they will start crying. Feeling pitiful, I tried to give him mine, which wasn't eaten yet. It was quite hilarious how he tried to balance his hatred towards me and his desire for ice-cream at the same time. In the end, the latter took over and he accepted the offer, saying that it wouldn't change how he felt towards me. I could only smile at that comment. It was the first time I saw him blush.<p>

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><p><em>Two drifters, off to see the world<em>

_There's such a lot of world to see_

_We're after the same rainbow's end_

_It's just around the bend_

_My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me_

Sei was often tied up by his busy schedule of studies, music class, calligraphy class and basketball at the age of 7. This was something the servants told me; a preparation for him to take over the father's empire. While children were taught primary school maths, Seijuurou was already attempting middle school maths at the age of 9. Everything he did was done in advance. There were no space for errors or complains. Sei knew that from the beginning. He never really whined about it, but once in a while he would sit down next to me and drop hints like: "You seem pretty carefree." The remark he made sounded quite miserable in a way, because his fate had already been sealed by his father. It was the form of child abuse that existed in the realm of powerful business empires. After all, Seijuurou was the only son and soon-to-be head of Akashi Corporations.

While his father brought only stress and pressure, his mother would praise him daily regardless of the achievements he made. Mrs Akashi would always pat his head or hug him as a form of encouragement. She, too, understood the burdens that he had to carry and it was her responsibility to comfort him. At night, she would sing lullabies to Seijuurou before he goes to sleep. It was a form of ritual that Seijuurou had to have, or else he could never go to sleep.

And then one day, the lullabies stopped.

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><p>Seijuurou was quite a lonely boy during primary school. Most of the children that time didn't really understood him. While everyone was talking about the latest cartoon episode, Seijuurou was left stranded with nothing to converse about. I wasn't in the same class with him, but whenever I saw him eating alone in the classroom, it made me feel like going over to accompany him. But I knew Seijuurou didn't want me to. He didn't want to feel like a weakling as he had that sense of ego within him.<p>

Once, a classmate of his taunted him, calling him a nerd and a teacher's pet. The moment I heard those words, I threw a chair at him which resulted with two broken front teeth and suspension from school for a few weeks. You should've seen the shocked face that Sei had. He was clearly against the violence I had committed. But I was clearly against the verbal abuse that he was facing. If only he could be a little honest and say "Thanks" instead of scolding me, saying that I was only going to bring more trouble to him. Only Akashi's mom knew the truth about this incident because I explained what had happened. While I was explaining, I thought I was going to get scolded from her. However, she smiled and said, "Thank you for protecting my son."

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><p>One day, Mrs. Akashi collapsed. Due to Sei's busy schedule, he never really knew what was going on in the mansion. Everyone kept quiet regarding his mother's recent hospitalization. At that time, Mr. Akashi was overseas and she forced the servants to inform Sei that she went to visit her relatives for a few days. Although she wasn't around in the house, she would call Sei at night, just to sing the lullaby for him. Even after she was discharged, she kept her disease a secret. When Sei wasn't at home, you could hear her screaming from the pain. She refused to undergo treatment in the hospital as she didn't want to distract Sei from his studies. It was a reckless action, a reckless portrayal of love.<p>

I was merely 11 when she left for Heaven. By then, I had my own sense of burdens that I had to carry. And it wasn't for me, it was for the sake of someone else. I had three burdens: to memorize the lullaby, to take care of Sei and to give him a certain keepsake from his mother when the time is right.

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><p>It wasn't a very grand funeral. It was a private one, done on the hill overlooking our house. The only ones who attended were Mr. Akashi, Seijuurou, the servants and me. Nobody cried. It seems as if they already knew the end of her, they were just preparing for it. Meanwhile, Seijuurou kept a poker face during the ceremony. It was a mixture of emotions to be exact. It was angry, sorrow, confusion and a bit of delusion. Half of the old him wasn't there anymore. It felt as if, half of him died with his mother.<p>

Seijuurou stormed into the mansion when the chauffeur said that his mother wouldn't make it if they don't rush home. He ran upstairs to the master bedroom where she spoke her final words to him. Everyone thought she was going to address important issues, instead they ended up as simple sentences that she would say daily to him. "Take care of yourself." "Don't be so stressed out." And the last one, "Mommy is just going to have a long nap."

I looked away and walked out of the room. All I could hear was Seijuurou shaking his mother, asking her to wake up. Telling her that she hasn't seen the medal he won for the basketball finals. Saying that it's unfair to leave him alone.

"I hate you, why did you leave me all alone… Why? You promised you'd be with me. Mom, wake up… this is not a joke anymore..."

I cried hearing those words. Somehow, they broke my heart.

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><p>As time changes with the season, so do humans when they have lost someone they love.<p>

I had never imagined a day when Seijuurou would never run to the entrance of the mansion, yelling for his mother. Now, all he ever does was open the door and walk straight to his room. You would never see a smiling Seijuurou or a laughing Seijuurou. All his emotions were locked up. He became just like his father. He took up more classes just to come home late. He wanted to keep himself busy so that he didn't have to think about his deceased mother. Yet when he goes to bed, he couldn't find the peace within him to sleep. He would get nightmares about his mother leaving him again and again. It was a cruel cycle of torture for an 11 year old.

One night, there was a scream from the room beside me. The voice was clearly Seijuurou's. I got out from my room and knocked at his door, "Sei, are you alright?" He didn't answer, so I opened the door just to make sure he was okay. What I saw was a tormented soul, gasping for breath. He glanced at me and motioned me to come closer. "Could..could you sleep with me for tonight..?" As children, we never really knew how awkward it could be for different genders to sleep next to each other. But I decided to just stay with him until he fell asleep. I grabbed a chair and sat close to him. I began to observe his red orbs that were slowly turning into a lifeless colour. He looks paler than before, and his hollow cheekbones were an indicator that he was growing thinner. Suddenly a realization hit me. I remembered he couldn't sleep easily without listening to his mother's lullaby. My sense began debating whether I should sing the lullaby as Seijuurou might scold me for bringing up a memory of his mother. I decided to go on with the plan anyway.

_Two drifters, off to see the world_

_There's such a lot of world to see_

_We're after the same rainbow's end_

_It's just around the bend_

_My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me_

…

Akashi gave no response. The air of awkwardness began to fill up the room. I hope I didn't do anything wrong.

"Your voice sucks."

I frowned at him and before I could make a remark about his insult, a whisper was heard.

"Please do it every night."

I heard his faint cries as he clutched onto his blanket to cover his tears. That was the only time he ever portrayed any sort of emotion since the funeral.

Akashi was only a little boy, who was forced to grow up too fast.

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><p>By the time Sei joined Teikou, he was a happier boy than he was in primary school. I would always watch him from afar as he spends time with a group of boys who were in the basketball team. It amuses me how each one had a different shade of hair colour. Seijuurou was always the quiet one in the group but he gained great respect from the team because of his leadership skills and foresight. He had a sense of belonging with them; smiles and laughter that were absent were now present in the basketball court. He came back late frequently but always with a satisfied grin on his face. I thought the days of the past were no longer here.<p>

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><p>I was worried, when Year 2 came. Seijuurou was busier than usual. He was a captain of the highly prestigious middle school basketball team in the entire Japan. It wasn't surprising for him to hold such a position but somehow, there was something wrong with him. Everyday when he came home after practice, he had a certain expression. It felt as if he was jealous yet exhausted but also determined. I didn't really understood why he had such emotions. He would always be composed. As of lately, his composure wasn't present. His eyes were different. They were turning into a different colour. A deadly hue of red.<p>

It was then I saw another colour, yellow.

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><p>Seijuurou was taught to win everything and to let no one defeat him in anything. He had to be prefect in every aspect. Losing was not an option, neither was it a choice. When he was pressured to excel in his studies, he was also expected to win the Middle School Basketball championships as the captain. It was no easy work, with vast talents surrounding him. By then, he was no longer the Seijuurou I knew since the first time I met him.<p>

Everything about him was different. His way of talking, his eyes, his thinking, his values. They were no longer the same. Everything about him had changed. But it was worse from before. It was as if the pain of his mother's death never really bothered him. And that eye… It feels as if he was able to read my mind. He wasn't Sei, he was the Emperor. It was too late to save him.

"What are you doing?"

I was packing up my belongings to leave for Akita, where I was to stay in a dormitory and study in the high school there.

I left home after Winter Cup.

And time passed so fast.

It was already the finals of Winter Cup.

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><p>I never wanted to care about the Seijuurou family anymore. I wanted to erase their existence from my life. But a part of me wanted to see the finals between Rakuzan and Seirin. But I was delayed by the traffic. By the time I arrived, it was the final third quarter. I had expected Rakuzan to lead with a huge margin however it wasn't what I thought it would be. The score between the two teams was almost the same. Both teams were equally exhausted, however Rakuzan's team was more disorientated. They were being upstaged by Kagami, who was in the Zone 2.0. A five minute break started before the final quarter of the game. Sei wasn't in a good condition, he was struggling and his teammates were starting to stop cooperating with him.<p>

It was that moment when I decided to move closer to him, even though we were separated apart, as long as he could hear my song.

"Sei…!"

He turned around and stared at me with disbelief.

I knew he couldn't hear me from afar so I sang the lullaby quietly, emphasizing the movement of my lips so that he could read them.

_Two drifters, off to see the world_

_There's such a lot of world to see_

_We're after the same rainbow's end_

_It's just around the bend_

_My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me_

Yellow was gone, and a gentler shade of red took over. It was Sei, no longer the Emperor. But rather, Akashi Seijuurou, a human with flaws.

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><p>I went to personally visit Sei after the match. While Seirin was celebrating, I found him alone outside the stadium, staring at the night sky, as if he was expecting me.<p>

"It has been awhile."

"Good game."

We were as awkward as always. But I knew he was waiting for something. Something he always wanted to hear.

"You did your best, Seijuurou."

Those words were enough to trigger the long awaited tears that were welled up inside him. It was different from the tears he shed earlier. His tears now were tears that has finally succumbed to the acceptance of a loss.

That was all he needed, he said.

"All I wanted was to hear those words from mother." He wept silently, tears flowing down endlessly. He was no longer the Emperor, he was the small boy I first met. Hence I knew, this was the appropriate time to hand him the keepsake from his mother.

"It is only given when you have tasted your first defeat. Do you want me to read it to you?"

Seijuurou gave me a determined nod. He was burning with curiosity regarding the context of the keepsake.

"_Dear Seijuurou,_

_By the time you have received this letter, I am sure you have become a man of true dignity. My little boy, I am proud of the achievements you have made. In fact, I am proud of you every single day of my life. And I am sorry. I could not stop your father from giving you this pressure. And I am sorry to have broken the promise we made. I am sorry for not being there for you in times of need. And I am sorry I could not comfort you when you are sad, especially now. Were you looking at the stars just now? You always would, when you are sad. I am sure you did so. Grow strong, my son, mommy loves you always. _

_From Heaven._

Along with the letter was a music box which played the lullaby his mother would always sing.

Akashi held both the letter and the music box closely to his heart. It was there he could find solace. And it was there, I'm sure he has found true peace.

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><p>I sat on the bench, admiring the 6 of them playing basketball together. It was been awhile since I've seen Sei so energetic and cheerful. The joy of playing basketball came back to him, and he was enjoying every moment of his time with his former team mates in Teiko. When Murasakibara started teasing Midorima about his pink and gay looking rabbit plushie, Seijuurou joined in the fun, stating that pink suited Shintarou well.<p>

A grin was formed across my cheeks. As I close my eyes and inhale the fresh air of spring, I knew I heard a voice from afar.

"Thank you."

That moment, I knew. Who and where that voice originated from.


End file.
